Margaret schwanzer

Description

After many attempts at telling my clients success stories and struggling with the Hippocratic oath I took on patient confidentiality, I eventually decided that my story was the best option for me to tell as my healing success became the foundation of my practice.

I became a holistic practitioner by curious default through showing and  telling my friends and other people what I was currently doing and had done to completely transform my life. 

In 1996, my life unravelled – my father died from cancer and my perfect relationship ended because” I had too many animals”,  my ex-husband decided that he was no longer going to pay our daughter’s school fees 1 month after we moved her to a private school and my salary hardly covered our living expenses. At age 36, I started waitressing at night to pay the school fees while trying to hold my fragile sanity together.

In 1998, I married an older man on the re-bound, whose promises to take care of me resulted in a chaos that was beyond all things imaginable. 2 months later, I left with my daughter and 4 pets to claw my way back to self-sufficiency.

A friend who was dabbling in the holistic world, passed a flippant comment about how “I should try Kinesiology as it really does stuff,” tossed a business card onto my desk adding that she would check up on me after my first appointment.  I had nothing to lose and was desperate enough to try anything.

By my third session, I was aware of how much had changed within me. My natural Gemini curiosity was piqued.  Each time I had a session, a “lost” part of me returned and my life became more manageable. I had returned to waitressing part-time while working a full time job. I realised that by picking up a few more shifts, I could afford our living expenses and the basic kinesiology courses that were available.  I needed to know the science behind my recovery.  This awareness was life changing.  I resigned my full time position and attended every class possible.

By 2000, I was able to “practice formally” with my client base growing as they witnessed my metamorphosis.  The invaluable experience of consciously knowing what I had done to help myself and others, gave me the confidence to just do and discover more holistic healing modalities. Each of the carefully chosen modalities that I studied, used the analogy “ peeling off of layers to reveal what needed to be healed – like an onion”. I experienced the healing as cupboard doors bursting open with the trauma that had been shoved inside, tumbling out at my feet like black bags whose contents needed to be disposed off. As I grew within myself, these peeling layers presented like stacked boxes whose contents needed to be  reconsidered.

My method of making healthy and positive choices became a refined tool.  I learnt that the risks had to be evaluated with the rewards as every decision had positive and negative consequences.  I learnt that if there was no clear answer, that waiting for more information was the best approach. There was no need to ever make a decision to keep the peace or please others. I learnt to trust myself and make decisions that felt right and that I could change the decision for a better outcome as I went along. I was less triggered by old wounds, unmet needs and less likely to default to unhealthy behaviours. By trusting in myself, came the awareness of conserving my energy when engaging so that I stayed centred, the value of boundaries and the reward of saying no.  I listened to my intuition. I felt bullet proof.

These new tools became the foundation of my therapeutic practice. Another foundation tool that I learnt was tolerance. Trying to be patient made me anxious and untrusting of the time that the process took, while being tolerant allowed the process to unfold without fear or judgement. Tolerance of myself meant safely going through the emotions while assessing the factual evidence of how I had got to this point in my life. It gave me clarity of the consequences of decisions I had made and action I had taken. It gave me the courage to assess the decisions I needed to make and action that should be taken.

It gave me the opportunity  to review the long list of faults that I had been given by those who had participated in my life and to see the strengths hidden in these perceived faults. It gave me the skill to listen to the noise inside my head,  identify whose voices were loudest and why I should listen to my own voice. At the time I began my journey, South Africa was in the midst of transition. Holistic healing and spirituality were new concepts.  People were sceptical and religion was used as an evaluating tool. The internet had just been established and information was limited.

In my exploration, I chose courses to study based on my personal experience of the modality.  I keenly observed the therapists and researched where possible before and after each session. Whilst I gathered fascinating information, I was struck most by the realisation that kindness was not necessarily shown when going through a therapeutic process. I also learnt that therapists were so focused on fixing me within an allocated period, that they did not have time to listen or engage with me as a person.  My commitment to my healing was often not regarded as a contribution to the process. I vowed that kindness and listening would be the corner stones of my practice with more time for each client – sessions would begin with a cup of tea, followed by a menu option of the healing modalities with homework to reinforce the process.  My clients would be active participants  in their healing recovery.  Every journey is unique thus every solution would be tailor made to support success.

As a therapeutic practitioner, my primary goal is to

• Kindly and gently support my clients through a process that ensures they make healthy choices in all aspects of their lives, ending the cycle of fear based decisions that are potentially self destructive.
• focus the overall healing so that the client may become the best version of themselves in all areas of their mental, physical and emotional being.
• provide clients seeking spiritual development, deeper opportunity for growth so that they evolve from the inner peace achieved through the processes

From my years of practising, I have observed that each therapist attracts clients that will benefit from the therapist’s  life experience as well as the therapist’s personal interests and areas of expertise. The elements of sincerity and practical value in the advice given by the therapist has to register within the client’s core essence.

I am aware that the bulk of of my clients need support in

• Self confidence
• School and academic issues
• Work place situations
• Relationship healing
• Death of a loved one

Self confidence, school and academic issues

My lack of self confidence was rooted in disfluency, shyness and a lack of direction. I stuttered very badly as a child and as a young adult struggled to speak when stressed. I was bright enough to do most things well but was judged on how I did them.  Today I would have been diagnosed as ADD.  My perceived learning challenges resulted in underachievement and conflict with teachers. When working with clients who struggle in these areas, I am able to use my experience to identify what they may not able to express for various reasons. 

Understanding how my brain “blocked” and discussing what the client experiences in learning situations, we problem solve and trace back to the initial sensitising (root) cause and the subsequent traumas. Together we find a reason to go to school, an other way to learn, achieve better results and cope with the expectations of the educators. 

Work place situations:

Most of the clients I see who are experiencing work place stress feel trapped, under valued and directionless. For some work is a replication of a school environment. For others, they have not had the opportunity to achieve their full potential due to circumstances beyond their control.  The need for a guaranteed salary numbed their dreams and trapped their souls. My work life experience was initially driven by a need to have a qualification then a need to survive followed by what to do with the increasing frustration and boredom until I finally found a combination that satisfied all aspects of my inner yearnings. 

It took me years to get to this point so during client sessions, we break down the problems into specific areas and strategise  a workable plan of action along the key words of  why, what, how, when… Some clients find positive solutions within their current company while most grow beyond and find new opportunities that make their hearts sing once more.

Healing of Relationships:

Inter-personal relationships are complex interactions at the best of times and come in different forms – every relationship wants a happy story with no tears

• dating
• engaged to be married
• marriage
• parents with children
• consensual sex after meeting through dating apps
• separation and divorce recovery
• partners with ex-es , most often with children from previous relationships
• adult children and their parents/parents in-law

When working with relationships, it important to understand how the involved parties came together, the reasons why they came together and the reasons for its survival or dissolution. My personal relationships have taught me that it is critical to analyse very situation that caused discomfort within the relationship.  At times  my Gemini brain needed an Excel spreadsheet to help me with the overwhelming data.In finding a workable solution for a healthy relationship, all factors need to be considered, negative emotions neutralised and expectations analysed.  Each situation requires a unique plan that requires tolerance, commitment  and a desire for a solution that works for all concerned long term.

The word Love is used in relationships for reasons beyond its actual definition. The basis of Love is mutual respect – without mutual respect there can be no love of any kind.  People perceive the chemistry of attraction or desire as love but without mutual respect there will be no sustainable companionship that allows growth and longevity within the relationship as the individuals grow.

The words “I love you” are most often code for;

I need you for financial or cultural security/status upgrade/to escape my current situation/I decided to settle as this may be my last chance for happiness …..and  many other reasons.

All relationships have good periods and struggle periods no matter how much work goes into to maintaining their health.  It is not possible to agree on everything and respect for the difference of opinions is important. It is not losing and  it is not compromise. It is mutual respect.

Conflict in relationship stems from base insecurities  – unmet expectations, old wounds, poor communications, lack of trust  which then trigger competitive and controlling behaviours.

When there is financial disparity within the relationship with poor communication, the conflict easily becomes abusive.  Money is perceived as a powerful tool in most spheres of life.  In relationships, it may be used as a weapon. Whilst it is critical that both parties maintain financial independence, a respectful solution has to be agreed over shared expenses.  A pre-nuptial or co-habitation agreement may govern the financial health of the relationship, but an Anti Nuptial Contact merely lays down the guidelines of how  it will end.

While, it is important to understand why the relationship ended, during separation and divorce recovery, the focus needs to be on how self sufficiency and renewed confidence can be achieved while facing the future alone without repeating old mistakes and defaulting to unhealthy behaviours.  The healing process is about rediscovering yourself and embracing the full spectrum of your being.

Death of a loved one, personal loss and miscarriage

Death and loss are frequent occurrences in our lives and even when/if we are prepared on some level, the finality of the end is received uniquely by those experiencing the reality. Grief is a long and complex journey that needs to be walked through with every possible means of support available. Listening and sincerity are the most important skills required by those supporting the Grieving. Each loss we experience is different and yet the emotions we experience are an accumulation of prior loss. No loss is less than or comparative – the biggest challenge those grieving have to face is the thoughtless support from those around them who mean to be kind…

No grief process has a time limit.  It is deeply personal as the process requires reflection from all aspects. Making major decisions during the first year of loss will have major repercussions long term. It can take 2-5 years to come to terms with the gap left behind, however the loss is to infinity.  There is no replacement or substitute just acceptance of what is for now. I recently lost my younger brother and my elderly dog within a short span of each other.  The pain triggered an existential crisis within me that took me across the length and breadth of my full and busy 62 years.

The quote “with death comes healing” resounded throughout my being.

I revisited the legacy I would like to leave behind and with deeper wisdom recommitted to my practice ethics.